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Indiana 4-H International
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SOME COMMON QUESTIONS ABOUT THE 4-H/JAPANESE EXCHANGE
Preparation and Arrival
1. Why do the kids arrive during 4-H Fair time, and stay (in some cases) until after my child has started school? Why do they come so young?
Many exchangees are 12 - 14 years old. After this age, some are too involved with their schoolwork and must prepare for high school entrance exams. Arrival and departure dates are determined by Japanese school vacations.
2. Will my exchangee be able to speak English? How will we communicate?
The English level of the kids varies widely. All of them have studied English, but many lack experience in speaking it. Jet lag and shyness can make this more pronounced. To help communication, speak slowly. Use as few words as possible, such as "Go in car now" instead of "it's time for us go somewhere in the car". Use actions when necessary. Help him/her learn by saying "I want a glass of water" before you give her/him one. You can also try writing things down. Japanese students sometime have a better understanding of the written language than the spoken language.
3. My exchangee wrote a letter in excellent English. Does this mean that she speaks English well?
Possibly not. Many times, the mothers or Labo tutors write or help with their first letters. So don't be surprised if she talks more hesitantly than she appears to write.
4. What will the first few days of the visit be like? Should I plan lots of activities?
Your guest will arrive very tired from travel, and will be on a totally different time zone (14 hours ahead of us). S/he will be shy and reluctant to use his/her English, even if it is fairly good. You may find that s/he is answering "yes" to your questions even if they are not understood. Do not plan lots of activities or any major trips for the first few days. On the other hand, do not let him/her sleep all day, as we want to help them adjust to local time.
5. Will my exchangee bring gifts? Will I be expected to reciprocate?
Many kids arrive with many gifts for their host families. Sometimes they are presented right away, sometimes later. If you wish to give your child a gift, they like anything with English writing, such as pencils, t-shirts, caps, and any souvenirs of Indiana and the U.S.
Some host families have put together photo albums with pictures of their homes and communities, and of the family and kids during the visit, for him/her to take home. If you have a video camera, you might make a tape showing your home, family, and activities during the visit. You may also wish to send home a small, inexpensive gift to each Japanese family member.
6. I have a big house. Can I host an adult and a child, or two kids?
No -- this is a policy of the Japanese organizations. Hosting two Japanese at once would make it harder for your guest to feel like a member of your family. Learning to speak better English is an important goal of the exchange. If you have a Japanese friend nearby, it is OK for them to meet your child. But be sure that English is the main language your exchangee is exposed to. Incidentally, hosting an exchange student from another country is also strongly discouraged while your exchangee is here.
Activities during the visit
7. May I take my guest on trips?
Yes, if this is part of your family's summer plans. It is not recommended that you stay away from home more than a week. The main idea of the visit is for them to experience normal American home life.
8. Can we go out of state?
Yes, but be sure your county and state coordinators know how to reach you in case of an emergency at home in Japan. If you go to Canada be sure kids take their passport with their I-94 form stapled to it.
9. Will my exchangee stay at home or will s/he want to go off alone?
Some Japanese kids are used to going long distances by subway or bicycle to visit friends, etc. Try to make clear what your family rules are about "excursions" alone.
10. Do I or my kids need to entertain our guest all the time?
No, in fact kids will need some time alone to do their schoolwork or write in their journals. It is very difficult for families to keep their exchangee busy constantly, and it is especially hard for host brothers and sisters if they feel like they must entertain their guest all the time.
On the other hand, a child should not be left alone all the time if the host sister or brother has band, sports, or a job. This is a nice time for siblings to be included as hosts, or neighbors and relatives may want to help.
At first, TV may be hard to understand. Many host families have rediscovered the fun of playing games such as UNO which do not require skill in English.
11. Do Japanese kids know how to ride bikes?
Yes, but they are only used to hand brakes. Also, they must be instructed about safety, as many of them have never ridden on a dirt or gravel road. If you have a bike helmet that the student can wear while riding, please encourage them to wear it. Important: Traffic moves on the other side of the road in Japan, so both bikers and walkers should be reminded to watch for cars.
12. Can kids become involved in 4-H fairs?
This is encouraged, especially if your family is involved. They can help care for and show the animals, or could model their traditional Japanese clothes or demonstrate calligraphy. Labo members and adults are especially interested in learning about 4-H.
13. Should I take my exchangee camping?
That is fine if it is a normal family activity for you. Be sure to let the state coordinator know your whereabouts. Labo kids enjoy going to Labo camp in Japan. If your child is going to an organized camp during the visit, the Labo or Meiji Gakuin kid may be able to go. We will need plenty of advance notice in order to arrange permission, forms, and payment of fees. You will not be required to pay the fees, if you give enough advance notice for this to be arranged.
Some families have set up a tent in the backyard if an actual camping trip is not on the schedule.
Money
14. How much money will my exchangee bring?
They are told to bring about $225.00. This is a guideline, and some bring much more. Please help your guest find a safe place to keep money. This is not a gift, so be sure to return the remainder at the end of the visit. Help them budget during the visit, and have them save some money for the two days they spend in Indianapolis before they leave for Japan.
Japanese kids may be more careless than we are about leaving their wallets out in public because it is safe to do so in Japan. They should be told to leave most of their money home when going on shopping trips. If your visitor has traveler's checks, s/he may need help cashing them at bank (be sure to have them bring their passport for ID when cashing traveler's checks. We have had a few reports of kids having trouble cashing travelers checks at malls, etc).
15. Can I take a tax deduction for hosting a student?
No -- this only applies to families hosting a full-time (year-long) student.
16. Will it be expensive to host?
We have had host families from a wide variety of income groups. You are expected to provide your exchangee with food at home, and to pay for restaurant meals and admission costs if you do the same for your children. Trips to expensive places such as Chicago or Kings Island are completely optional. Many families have made these special trips, but do not overlook less expensive outings to state parks, picnics near home, family reunions, etc.
Hosting Adults
17. Can I host an adult if I work?
The 4-H Department will work closely with families wanting to host adults. Preference may be given to hosts where there is someone home most of the time. Some of the adults would do fine in a situation where they will be left alone, but some would be uncomfortable. In the case of either adults or kids, it is fine to have neighbors and friends entertain your exchangee for a day.
18. Do the adults attend meetings while here?
During the homestay, the adults do not attend any meetings or travel unless they are needed in case of emergency. They will have lots of writing to do while in your home (postcards to the kids in Indiana; writing in a journal; letters home). If they need to make long-distance calls some will have a credit card. If they do not have a credit card, you may forward your telephone bills to the state coordinator and you will be reimbursed.
Around the house
19. Are bathroom customs in Japan like ours?
You will need to instruct your exchangee about our habits. Some things that are different: In Japan, they close the bathroom door when they leave; when someone knocks on the door they knock back to say that they are in there; they may not know how to use our shower/temperature controls or shower curtains; in Japan they wash before getting into a bath, and may stay there much longer than we do.
20. We don't sit down to meals three times a day. Will my visitor be able to prepare his or her own snacks or meals?
This will be new for your exchangee. It may take a while for you to convey the idea that it's all right for them to help themselves. In Japan it is rude to open someone else's refrigerator. You should be sure that someone will be at home during all mealtimes to help him or her prepare a snack. In Japan, mothers usually do all the cooking. Many Japanese kids have never made a sandwich!
21. Why are my exchangee's table manners different?
In Japan it is customary to use chopsticks with most foods. It is customary to make noise while eating many foods, particularly noodles, spaghetti, and soups. Belching is not considered as impolite as it is in the U.S.
22. Should we prepare Japanese food? Why did s/he bring food?
His or her mother may have wondered if they would like American food, but you should serve whatever your family normally eats. Japanese kids learn to love things like tacos, hamburger, and pizza. Be aware that some of the kids may be a little queasy at first, from jet lag or airsickness. The first few days may not be the time to introduce fatty foods like french fries. If your exchangee brings food encourage them to share it with your family. If they offer to cook, enjoy it!
23. What about chores?
Since this is a month long stay, you should treat your exchangee more like a family member than a guest. If your kids do chores around the house or farm, assign some chores also to your exchangee. Be aware that some Japanese kids do not do chores at home and you may need to do some teaching. It's a good experience for them!
24. Both parents work outside the home. Can we still host?
Yes. The arrangements you make depend on the age of the kids involved. If your kids go to a babysitter, of course the exchangee should too. If your child is an older, responsible teen, it is fine if there is not an adult home. Please make sure that the visitor has something to do if your teen is involved in activities, and be sure to read #19 above, about meals.
Medical Problems
25. What should I do if my exchangee gets sick?
The children arrive with written permission to act on behalf of the parents and should get medical care immediately in an emergency. In less urgent situations, you will have to use your judgment about what is needed, and you should call on the state 4-H staff or your county coordinator if there is doubt. If the language barrier prevents you from being sure what the problem is, contact the state coordinator or a Japanese adult if interpretation would help. You will have a list of where the adult leaders are staying during the homestay.
26. Can I give him or her medicine if necessary?
Be careful about using over-the-counter remedies. Many Japanese are allergic to aspirin, which is contained in many such products. You should receive advance notice about other allergies and medical problems and can consult with your coordinator or the state coordinator if you are unsure about medicines, etc.
Submit all medical bills to the state coordinator according to directions elsewhere in this book.
Returning to Japan
27. My exchangee has bought lots of gifts and souvenirs, and his suitcase is very heavy. What should we do?
Each child must be able to handle all of his or her own luggage. (Most of them come with one large suitcase with rollers, and one carry-on bag.). General airline guidelines are as follows: maximum weight of each bag is 70 pounds; two bags may be checked and one carried on. The first checked bag will be the suitcase he or she came with; the second checked bag or box can be no bigger than 45 total inches (L plus W plus H). The carry-on also can be no bigger than 45 inches.
Considering that the kids must handle their own baggage, it is better if possible to keep it down to the two pieces they came with. However, mailing costs to Japan are very high, so if it looks like this will be necessary, be sure to take the package to the post office while the exchangee is still here. Don't offer to mail it yourself after they leave -- you may be shocked by the price!
28. Can I send back gifts for her family?
That is fine with the following exceptions:
29. Can my exchangee call me after the farewell dinner? What do they do before leaving Indiana?
Tell your exchangee not to call you after you have said good-bye. This will be confusing for you, especially if she calls from the airport and you aren't sure if something is wrong. After the farewell dinner, they will be in the hands of 4-H Staff and volunteers, as well as their adult leaders. They will spend one to two nights in Indianapolis, sightseeing and preparing for their return. They should save some spending money for this time, as they will have a chance to do some last-minute shopping. Food and hotel costs are taken care of.
While they are in Indianapolis, you should have no further contact with your exchangee. They need time to separate emotionally from you and to prepare to go home to their families. It is important that your good-byes after the farewell dinner be final, sad as it is.
Your new son or daughter will write you soon. Hopefully you will keep in touch with your exchangee and his or her family; friendships like this can last for a lifetime.